It’s a question that almost all of us visible minorities in Australia have gotten, and while it seems rather innocent on the surface, it carries a lot of baggage and often presumptions.

Firstly, it’s a question that’s almost exclusively asked to non-white people. When has a white passing person in Australia with a clearly Aussie accent ever been asked, “where are you from?” If the question is about their heritage, it’s never phrased as “where are you from?”

So then secondly, when it’s asked almost exclusively to non-white people, it’s loaded with a message that you’re not fully Australian because you’re not white. If the answer you’re after is “Adelaide” or “Flemington”, you probably wouldn’t ask the question, “where are you from?”

In my experience, the question behind the question is, “you’re not white – what’s your background?” Now there’s nothing wrong with wanting to know someone’s heritage or cultural background, but the way you ask it can make a big difference. When there’s a history of excluding certain racial groups from what is considered ‘Australian’, this question can never exist independently of its context.

So then, what is actually being asked with this question? If it’s because they look different and you want to be able to categorise them because they don’t fit in the ‘Australian’ box, take a (metaphorical) step back and ask yourself what does being ‘Australian’ really mean? Do I have a monocultural view of what constitutes ‘Australian’ culture? But, if you’re genuinely curious about their cultural background, there are much better ways to ask that don’t carry the same baggage.

Because of all this baggage, there are a lot of minorities who just don’t want to talk about their heritage, so it’s important to respect their boundaries. Otherwise, if you just talk to them more, they may bring it up in conversation themselves. Another easy way in is to talk about childhoods. “So did you grow up around here?” is a pretty inoffensive and open question that gives them the opportunity to share as much or as little as they want. “I actually grew up in Melbourne, my parents moved there from Hong Kong when I was 3.” Again, if they don’t offer up the answer you’re after, accept it and move on. “Yeah I grew up in Fremantle.” And for the love of God, do not ask, “but where are you really from?”

If you must ask point blank, ask something that hold less baggage. “What’s your cultural background?” or, “what’s your family’s heritage?” are both less loaded questions.

You might think this political correctness gone mad, and I understand it takes effort. But if your little bit of consideration can stop perpetuating this story that you have to be white to be fully Australian, I think it’s a price worth paying.