This article originally appeared on ABC Everyday

When I was eight, I was getting ready to show my friends a new computer game, when my mum stopped us at the front door.

"Go home, wash your feet, and come back with shoes on."

This wasn't directed at me, but my friends who lived down the road from us in Eastwood, NSW. The problem? They had been playing barefoot outside.

Of course, they didn't quite understand at the time: "Why are we putting shoes on, just to take them off when we get to your house?"

But for us and every other Asian family I know, running around outside barefoot is considered dirty, and taking your shoes off in someone's home is a given.

And we're not alone. Data from the Australia Talks National Survey, conducted in March 2021, revealed 74 per cent of Australians from non-European backgrounds expect guests to take their shoes off before entering their home, compared to 21 per cent of Australians from European ancestry.

Leaving shoes at the door

For many people, the inside of one's home is a different level of cleanliness from the outside world, and wearing shoes inside the home means bringing that dirtiness in.

"It came from when I was growing up in Manila," says Sean, a 31-year-old Filipino-Australian in Sydney.

"I think it comes from how dirty your feet could be there. The streets are not as clean as the ones we have here."

It's also an issue for Ben Cheong, a Chinese-Malaysian-Australian in Sydney.

"You are just carrying all the germs from the outside world," the 30-year-old explains explains. "You don't want to carry that into your house."

Ben, the co-author of The Overthinkers, remembers his mum making him mop the floor with antiseptic liquid if he was ever caught with shoes on in the house, even if he was just dashing in to grab something quickly.

And research does show that shoes can carry a lot of bacteria into the home if not taken off (but apparently your house is already full of bacteria anyway).

It's not just about germs, it's a 'sign of respect'

Now as an adult, it's a requirement for all of Ben's housemates to also be shoes-off people. He even has a strategy for when guests come to visit.

"So I do a cheeky thing where I have a shoe rack next to the door, and then have some shoes there. So you just lead the horse to water, and people will generally get the hint."

This subtle gesture of a shoe rack at the door is something that Sean, an urban designer and planner, has also adopted in his home. But for him, it's more than just cleanliness.

"Part of it is also cultural. In Filipino culture, taking your shoes off when visiting people's places is a sign of respect.

"It's usually rebutted by the host saying, 'You don't have to take your shoes off, I haven't cleaned the house properly,' but you take them off anyway because they are just being polite."

But for Connie, a Chinese-Australian who always takes off her shoes in her own home (like 71 per cent of other Chinese-Australians, according to Australia Talks), things get tricky when she visits other shoes-off households. Why?

"My husband's feet particularly smell."

Torn between the comfort and familiarity of shoes off, and the awkwardness of stinking up a home — "Trust me, everyone would notice," she says — Connie often has to make an awkward dash to the bathroom as soon as the shoes come off.

"We need to go discreetly wash his feet," she says. "And it's even more awkward when they don't use bathmats."

When your family has different rules

For Zeeta, an Indian-Australian who grew up between Zimbabwe, Western Australia and Botswana, she's been through various households with different rules, with her dad's side being shoes-on, and her mum's being shoes-off.

"When I go back home, I just follow what my parents do, and it's a very awkward thing for me. I just think: 'Oh no, I know where my shoes have been!'"

Zeeta adopted a shoes-off household when she moved to Sydney at 19, and it has now become second nature for her to observe what the rules are when she enters a home.

"As soon as I enter the door, I'm like OK, let's get the rules straight, is it shoes on? Shoes off? What's going on?"

And while she usually asks people to remove their shoes before they enter her home, there are circumstances when she doesn't.

"I had some friends who came to visit, but they were a bit older, around my parents' age," she explains. "I actually didn't ask them to take their shoes off, because it's like a respect thing."

For Zeeta, it felt disrespectful to ask people of her parents' age to do something they're not used to, even in her own home.

Shoes on or off?

It seems the longer someone who has migrated to Australia stays here, the less likely they are to expect others to take their shoes off in their home, according to the Australia Talks National Survey.

Those born in Australia are less likely to ask guests to take their shoes off (24 per cent) compared to those who immigrated less than 10 years ago (38 per cent), and those who have been in Australia for more than 10 years (44 per cent).

And this rings true for Ethan, a fourth generation Chinese-Australian. When it comes to his own home and visitors, he says "there's never a 'requirement' for my friends or family to take their shoes off".

"The choice is theirs, whether they do or don't."

Growing up, his household wasn't strict about shoes off. "For my family, there's no cultural meaning," he explains. But he felt a bit of pressure from others of the same cultural background. So now he mostly takes his shoes off, even if he doesn't require others to.

Whether it's taking off your shoes at the door or before you enter certain spaces, what's clear is there are many reasons people take off their shoes. For some, it's a sign of respect. For others, it's cleanliness. And for others, there's just pressure from people around them.

But what's also clear is that the 'default' of shoes-on isn't really the default anymore. So the next time you pop over to a friend's place, take note of the shoe situation.

After all, no-one wants to make the host feel uncomfortable in their own home.