"It's just a preference" - racial profiling amongst gay men
“It’s just a preference.” It’s what many gay men use to justify their attraction to a specific type - height, build, age, and of course, race. And when it comes to race, it’s used in a way of saying, “my sexual preference for or against a particular race isn’t racist, and it’s just my preference - it’s not hurting anyone.”
Where our preferences come from
Where do our preferences come from? You might think that they’re just a part of us, but there’s far more going on here than we think.
“Racial preferences are informed by our social world and by our whole life,” says Dr Denton Callendar from New York University. “The way in which we're brought up, and because we're brought up in systems or in societies that are still pretty racist in some ways, our desires come to reflect that.”
Denton says that when it comes to racial preference, these are far from things that are inert within us. Rather, the way we view race is influenced by our surroundings as we grow up, and is continually being influenced by what and who we see and interact with.
“it's actually quite consistently found in research, just how patterned people's racialised desires were. So if we were to believe in this argument that it's just a preference, you would expect pretty much randomness. But it maps quite dramatically to the groups in Australia that already experienced racism in other contexts.”
So what are these dramatic groups? Dr Callendar did a thesis paper on racial preference in Australia and asked over 2000 males who are attracted to males to rate the attractiveness of certain racial groups on a scale of 1 to 5. He found that the most attractive racial group are white men, and the least were Indians, Aboriginals, and Asians. Denton’s research also reflects what a number of other papers have found: that white men are consistently the most desired, and Asians amongst the least. And as Dr Callendar mentioned, if our preferences are truly just preferences, we would expect randomness, but this is definitely not the case.
Racial preferences are also unique when compared to preferences like age and height, because unlike age and height, race is a social construct.
“That's not to say they're not real,” explains Dr Callendar. “But the way in which we think about them and the stereotypes that we attach to them are all exclusively informed by how our society views different racial groups.”
To reiterate, our view of race and our racial preferences are completely influenced by our surroundings and not something that we’re born with, because race itself is a social construct. And when gay men’s racial preferences strongly correlate to wider racial issues in Australia, it’s clear that they’re not just random.
What is the effect of racial preferences
Even if racial preferences are informed by our society, what are the actual effects of them? Dr Callendar’s research found that when it comes to racial preferences, a lot of people were quite bothered and hurt by what they experienced, feeling despair and depression. And when it’s coupled with other forms of unconscious bias or subtle racism that minorities experience outside of gay dating, it can be psychologically harmful.
“If for a white guy to be sexually rejected by an Asian man, it doesn't have the same stinging effect because it's not backed up by this huge system of inequality that supports what happens when a white guy rejects an Asian man,” says Dr Callendar. “We know through a huge amount of data that this very rarely happens and it almost always happens in the reverse.
“It's really sad in some respects that some people who experience sexual racism started to internalise this idea that their racial group was unattractive,” says Dr Callendar. “And to me that's sort of the ultimate expression of prejudice: when you start to actually believe the prejudice that is lobbed against you.”
Even though individual preferences may seem harmless, because of the very racialised preferences on the macro scale, the cumulative effect can be damaging to those on the receiving end. I spoke to one person about the sexual remarks he received whilst interacting with other gay men. He says he experienced a lot of rejection because of his race.
“I feel like being Asian, you’re not good enough,” says James. “You get remarks on gay apps, like sorry I’m not into rice and spice. And that made me hate being in the gay scene. I don’t want to be with them because it’s my wall coming up to protect myself and my self esteem.”
James joined a local gay sporting group, and found it more welcoming and started to make some gay friends that didn’t overlook him because of his race. But it’s clear that like many other Asians in Australia, he sees his race as something that he needs to overcome with other parts of himself.
“Even if you’ve been stereotyped or get racial remarks, that’s what you’re born in, that’s your ethnic background, but there’s nothing you can do about that. But what you can do is show them your personality, show them who you are and if that personality outweighs your ethnic background then I guess that person might like you for who you are.”
What do we do about this
Whilst racial preferences may be our own, when we take a look at the big picture, we see that they are damaging. So what is being done? Gay apps like Grindr have made racial comments like “no rice, no spice” on people’s comments a reportable offense, as well as messages along the same lines. And whilst this does make the app seem more friendly on the surface, it doesn’t address the underlying reasons why people may want to put that on their profile in the first place.
But even without mentioning racial preferences in your profile, you’re still asked to list your race, and you’re still able to filter people by race. Even having racial groups in gay apps makes people put themselves in one of a few boxes that don’t often tell you much of anything about the person.
“The category ‘Asian’ is actually a great example of one of the most useless categories I've ever encountered,” says Dr Callendar. “I found a couple popular dating websites in Shanghai, and there are 15 categories that I would constitute as just ‘Asian’.”
And you might think there’s nothing you can do - it’s part of who I am because of how I was brought up, but our views on race can and do change. Here are a few tips.
Firstly, recognise that your racial preferences are a product of your environment. “To say that they're just a preference is ignoring the truth about how our sexual and romantic desires are formed,” explains Dr Callendar.
Secondly, a real, organic interaction and experience with more people of different racial groups can also help. What is your friendship circle like? Are most people from only one racial group? If so, it’s easy to apply stereotypes to other racial groups, because you don’t have any experiences that say otherwise. But going out of your comfort zone and talking to different sorts of people can show you that your stereotypes aren’t always founded.
Thirdly, Dr Callendar recommends different types of porn. “Look for some porn with someone in a racial group you're not usually attracted to, and see if you can find a model that you find attractive. I almost guarantee you, you will. Every racial group has beautiful, beautiful people. There really isn't a monopoly on beauty here.”
Racial preferences are our own, but racial preferences are far from independent from our environment, and they’re far from inconsequential. But it’s only if we acknowledge their origins and effects that we can work changing the way we view race amongst gay men.
Listen to the Shoes Off episode about gay racial preferences, and head there for a list of references on this topic.